16 February 2018

Saying No to Demands and Other Intrusions

Many people feel powerless to say "no" to demands and other intrusions.  They do not want to appear rude.  They do not want to cause a fuss.  They want to avoid conflict.  They want an easy life.  They want to be peaceful.  They want to be kind and helpful and friendly.

Unfortunately, some people appear incapable of comprehending a subtle hint to stay away.  They may not even understand the word "no".  They may be rude when that word is politely uttered, even with a following "thank you".  They may never understand the difference between being pushy and being caring.

Domineering behaviour is always an intrusion.  That is why my current work is focused on developing and maintaining ancephalous relationships.

Knowing when to say "no" is essential in all healthy relationships.  But is it actually possible to make an unhealthy relationship better?

Healthy relationships are a joy, even when there are differences of opinion.  Unhealthy relationships are hard work, and possibly the cause of most misery in the world.

What happened the last time you said "no" or "no, thank you" or "no, thanks" to someone?  Did that person treat it as an insult?  Did the person consider it as a hostile rejection?

Reasonable people make clear distinctions between acceptably egalitarian behaviour and unacceptably authoritarian behaviour.  Pushy people have a tendency towards the authoritarian.

I have no time at all for authoritarianism, or for misguided views about egalitarianism.  The latter tends to be aimless and stagnant.

To prevent misinterpretations, and to prevent boredom and other problems, clear, respectful dialogue is required in all egalitarian relationships.  A sense of purpose is necessary, for all individuals and groups.

Finding out whether your purpose has the potential for conflict should be easy to discover.  Who has been saying "no" to you, and why?

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