01 December 2017

Peacefully Stable Social Relationships

Stability in social relationships only exists when people feel safe, supported and respected.  Everything else is likely to be abusive, or unstable in other ways.

It is not possible to confront abuse aggressively. Aggression is abusive.

Quieter living is not about denying abuse. It is about setting the standards, and the boundaries, for safety, support, respect and stability.

What are your social and moral standards?

What are your social and moral boundaries?

How do other people respond to your standards and boundaries?

In all peaceful relationships, power is shared fairly.  There is no coercion.  There are no unfair expectations.  There is freedom, honesty and trustworthiness.

Inner peace tends to occur as a consequence of peaceful, stable social relationships. Do you have a reputation for developing and maintaining peacefully stable social relationships?

In one of my other blogs, I focus my attention on identity, not peace.  Identity is often shaped socially:

Unfortunate connotations

Dear visitor

An openness towards having our reasoning challenged is necessary in all social relationships.  When people are reluctant to improve their thinking, that is a sign of their unreasonableness.  It is not possible to maintain peacefully stable social relationships when people are unreasonable.

Our various interests and activities can often fragment our sense of identity and put pressure on our relationships.  Stability is not stagnation, however.  It is a journey towards deeper mutual understanding.

Purposeful relationships are meaningful relationships, at least when everyone involved shares a compatible purpose.  How do you usually express yourself in and through your relationships?

How do you share your most meaningful discoveries through your relationships, and beyond them with humanity at large?

Reflecting on identity

Age and identity

Identity politics

Through my standards and boundaries, I can more easily make decisions about behaviours I believe to be acceptable and those I find unacceptable.  I soon withdraw from relationships with people who breach my standards, my boundaries and therefore my trust.

Sometimes, social pressures, and a lack of wider social supports, prevents us from extricating ourselves from unpleasantness.  If you have ever tried to stay polite and cheerful in a difficult situation, why was that?

Compatible tastes, values and interests often form the basis of pleasant interactions.  Our peacefully stable social relationships help us to maintain sanity as social beings.  Those relationships support and protect our privacy.

Responsive relationships are respectful and responsible.  They give us the time and space we need for solitary activities, and to maintain our health.  They acknowledge the past, the present and the future.  They give us the time in which to reflect on our thoughts, actions, achievements, problems and plans.

Peacefully stable social relationships are not necessarily the ones we have had for many years.  Many changes take place in lives and personalities between childhood and maturity.

Who do you trust, and why?  What ages are the people you consider most trustworthy?  How are trustworthy people of service to you and how are you of service to them?  How can you prove you are trustworthy?

Peacefully stable social relationships involve genuine, mutual appreciation and a deep level of mutual gratitude.  They never involve excessive demands.  There is mutual devotion, and even dedication, but never obsession.

Stability is not competitive.  It is co-operative.  To be co-operative is to consent freely, after informed negotiation, to a planned, shared journey.  That co-operation is a firm foundation.  Competition undermines that foundation.

Whose services to you do you value most, and why?

Whose services to you do you take for granted, and possibly even treat with contempt?

Do you believe peacefully stable social relationships are the essence of a successful life?

Most people do not see their dreams come true.  They either die before that occurs, or something else befalls them.  But what is a realistic dream?  Are most dreams really just lures for abusers, who turn them into nightmares?

About your mind

How to be delightfully surprising

Entertainment, friendship and identity


Unfair social interactions are abuses.  Biases are abuses.  Fair criticism is not abuse when it is provided sensitively and privately.

I write "Via" blogs as a way to write to myself, and to remind myself about important things I may otherwise forget.  These online notes are filed in general categories to help with my later reflections, and my ongoing planning.

If you have expressed a long-term interest in evidence-based theories about peacefully stable social relationships, and a long-term devotion to the topic for possibly for over twenty or thirty years now, how have you put the most viable theories into practice?

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